Chris Croft
Tips of the Month Archive

Assertiveness Tip 14


You dont have to justify how you feel

You are responsible

I notice, I interpret

Faulty thinking

Persist like when training a puppy!

Your daily refresher

How to change yourself the first way

How to change yourself the second way

Being yourself

Its never too late to go back

Banish guilt from your life

Aggression it might be you!

You reap what you sow

Psychological games players

There are always two ways to see things - examples

Start small and build up

An interesting article I found on Games Players:

Karpman named the three roles on the Drama Triangle Persecutor, Rescuer and Victim and placed them on a triangle representing the three faces of victim. Even though only one is called Victim, all three originate out of and end up back there. Therefore they are all stopping places on the road to victim-hood.

We first learn our primary position from within our family. Although we each have a role we most identify with, we will also rotate through the other positions, going completely around the triangle, sometimes in a matter of minutes, or even seconds, many times every day.

It's difficult to see ourselves (or others) as victims when we are in a care-taking or blaming role. Nonetheless these two, Rescuer and Persecutor, are the two opposite extremes of Victim. This is simply because all roles eventually lead back to victim. It's inevitable.

You might notice that both the Persecutor and Rescuer are on the upper end of the triangle. Whenever we assume either of those stances, we come across as one-up. From either position we are relating as though we are better, stronger, smarter, or more-together than the victim. Sooner or later the victim, who is in a one-down position, develops a metaphorical "crick in the neck" from looking up. Feeling "looked down upon", resentment builds and some form of retaliation inevitably follows. At that point the victim moves into a persecutor role. Reminiscent of a not-so-musical game of musical chairs, all players sooner or later rotate positions.

Here's an example. Dad comes home from work to find mum coming down hard on Junior with, "Clean up your room or else" threats. He immediately comes to the rescue, "Mum" he might say, "give the boy a break". Any one of several possibilities might occur next. Perhaps Mum, feeling victimized by Dad, turns on him, automatically moving him into a victim position. They might do a few quick trips around the triangle with Junior on the sidelines. Or maybe Junior joins Dad in a persecutory "Let's gang up on mum" approach, and they could play it from that angle. Or Junior could turn-coat on dad, rescuing mum, with: "Mind your own business, dad . . . I don't need your help!" So it goes, with endless variations perhaps, but nonetheless, round and round the triangle. For many families, it's the only way they know how to communicate.

Do you do any of these things at work? Could you reduce the amount you do...?

onwards and sort-of upwards

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