Chris Croft
Tips of the Month – Archive

Assertiveness Tip 15


You don’t have to justify how you feel

You are responsible

I notice, I interpret

Faulty thinking

Persist – like when training a puppy!

Your daily refresher

How to change yourself – the first way

How to change yourself – the second way

Being yourself

It’s never too late to go back

Banish guilt from your life

Aggression – it might be you!

You reap what you sow

Psychological games players

There are always two ways to see things - examples

Start small and build up

Apparently today is the most depressing day of the year - it's a Monday, it's cold, the days are almost at their shortest, Christmas has gone (except for the bills), and your New Year's resolutions have already been broken.

But it's only depressing if you think it is!

You could have a different viewpoint: Christmas is out of the way, it's the start of a new year, Spring is on its way, the days are getting longer, it's a cheap month with no Christmas, and it's nice to eat some chocolate and have a drink.

We've all heard the old cliché about the glass being half empty or half full (and maybe the other versions like the engineer saying the glass is twice as large as it needs to be, and the other person who says "Who's drunk half my pint?" but the point is that this cliché really does apply to all sorts of situations every day.

Here are some examples:
(either I'm very creative or I've been collecting these for a while, which would make me extremely sad - you decide. Is Chris's brain half empty or half full?)

2 ways to see things.

The people who you mix with - are they better paid, more successful, bigger house than you?
Pessimist: if they are more impressive than you = make you feel inferior and unhappy
if they are less impressive = they are wasting your time
Optimist: if they are more impressive than you = learn from them / enjoy being lifted by them
if they are less impressive = make you feel better than them at least!

big supplier might overpower you and you might pay more for the name
small supplier might not be as secure, might struggle to supply you large quantities at short notice - you lose either way
Optimist: small supplier looks after you and you're not paying for the name, large supplier copes with any demand and is secure - you win either way.
(I know that all of these are true really, and of course you'd act to cover the risks whichever path you take, but the point is whether you focus on the good or the bad)

Trying to help someone else, and giving them advice
if it goes well - I helped.If it goes badly - well they certainly would failed anyway
Pessimist.goes well - they would probably have succeeded anyway.goes badly - they probably failed due to my interference - if only I'd left well alone"

Putting on a concert of music that's half jazz and half reggae
Optimist: will attract both the jazz and the reggae crowds
Pessimist: each crowd will go "oh no, not jazz!" or "oh no, not reggae!"

Trying out homeopathy when I don't really believe in it:
Optimist: either I'll be cured or I'll prove that it's a load of rubbish - I can only win
Pessimist: either they're proved right (oh no!) or I remain uncured - I can only lose.

give your team the motivation list and say "mark me out of 10 for these" and then you could see if you are right!
Optimist: Either you get good news and that will feel good, or you'll discover some things that you NEED to know!
Pessimist: either you get bad news, or you've wasted your time - either way you're stuffed!

so there you are - see if you can think of a positive interpretation, particularly when you find yourself thinking "either way I'm stuffed"

onwards and upwards


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