Chris Croft
Tips of the Month – Archive

Assertiveness Tip 3


You don’t have to justify how you feel

You are responsible

I notice, I interpret

Faulty thinking

Persist – like when training a puppy!

Your daily refresher

How to change yourself – the first way

How to change yourself – the second way

Being yourself

It’s never too late to go back

Banish guilt from your life

Aggression – it might be you!

You reap what you sow

Psychological games players

There are always two ways to see things - examples

Start small and build up

If someone is being horrible to you, not openly but by body language or actions which are quietly aggressive, you can challenge them on it by using this format: I notice....I interpret...Am I correct? this is much better than either a) living with it or b) attacking them with "Fred, is there a problem?" at which they will probably just say "no" and carry on doing whatever it is... A couple of examples: 

If every time you mention the budget at your meeting someone rolls his eyes and looks out of the window you can say "Fred, I notice that every time I mention the budget you roll your eyes and look out of the window, and I am interpreting this to mean that you are unhappy with my budget in some way - am I correct?"

If you invite someone to your meeting and they frequently don't turn up you can say "Fred (yes it's him again) I notice that when I invite you to my meeting you often don't turn up, and I interpret this to mean that you think my meeting is not worth coming to - am I right in thinking this?"

 they will either back down and say "no, sorry to give that impression", or say ""really, sorry, I didn't realise I was doing that" or "yes, I do feel that way, let's talk about it" and progress can be made. go on, confront them! Don't let them bully you with their body language!

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