Chris Croft
Tips of the Month Archive

Assertiveness Tip 7


You dont have to justify how you feel

You are responsible

I notice, I interpret

Faulty thinking

Persist like when training a puppy!

Your daily refresher

How to change yourself the first way

How to change yourself the second way

Being yourself

Its never too late to go back

Banish guilt from your life

Aggression it might be you!

You reap what you sow

Psychological games players

There are always two ways to see things - examples

Start small and build up

Two ways to change yourself!

Suppose you want to be more assertive, or more self disciplined, or less impatient, or less shy, or anything else for that matter. What can be done?

Well, here are two ways:

1. Self talk

All your behaviour comes from the life scripts that you have in your head ("I'm shy" or "I always arrive late for meetings" or "I'm calm in a crisis") and it's very difficult to behave differently to your scripts, (can a shy person break their habit and burst into a party shouting "Hi everyone, I'm here!!"? Not very easily!) so each time you behave according to your scripts you observe yourself doing it and the script becomes stronger.

Scripts can be overcome by self-talk. This is what your conscious says to your subconscious.

If you say "I love meeting new people" or "I always arrive five minutes early for meetings" these will become true (these statements will feel pretty weird to start with, as your subconscious says "that's not true / he's or she's never said that before" but then after a while it will think "hmm, maybe he or she has changed..." and eventually the supertanker has been turned to the new direction and your subconscious says "I know". And of course once your behaviour starts to change then the new positive script will be reinforced, and you're on a roll.

Try it. What's one thing you'd like to change about yourself? Make it into a positive statement ("I'm not a slob" won't do, it must be "I'm dynamic", so that you can visualise a picture of the new you). Say it every day for a month - or maybe more than once a day! You'll be surprised how effective it is.

In fact that's such a good tip I'm going to save the other way to change yourself until next time......

Have fun (and go on, really try it!)

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